Monday, November 24, 2014

Guest Post: Popular French Insults with Gwen Jones



I am by no means any expert on the French or France, but one thing I’ve learned along the way writing the “French Kiss” series is that the population does not suffer fools gladly. It’s not a case of being pompous or rude, it’s just ingrained, though and most of the time, or so I’ve heard, if you’re really annoying them, they simply ignore you. But when they don’t, their insults cut as sharp as a cheese blade. Here’s a few of my favorites gleaned from all over the place. And it might help if you know how to pronounce French, because you’re sure not going to get any help from me.


Tu es completement debile.

You’re a complete moron.


T'as une tête a faire sauter les plaques d'egouts.

You’ve got a face that would blow off manhole covers.


Le réalité et toi, vous ne vous entendez pas, n'est-ce pas?

Reality and you don’t get along, do they?


C'est marrant, mais vous êtes tellement moins attirante quand je n'ai pas bu.

You are so much less attractive when I'm sober.


Il/Elle a une tête à claques.

He/She has a face made for smacking.


Tu t’es coiffé avec un balai?

Did you comb your hair with a broom?


Tu pourrais te faire un manteau en fourrure avec ses poils du cul.

You could make a fur coat out of her butt hair.


To mère elle travaille à Monoprix.

Your mama works at Sam’s Club.


Sais-tu combien de temps ta mère prend pour chier? Neuf mois!

Do you know how much time your mother needs to take a shit? Nine months!


And lastly, for you do-it-yourself-ers, try this—


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About the Book

When Rex Renaud, the COO of Mercier Shipping, is arrested for a crime he didn't commit, he knows he'll need a miracle to clear his name … and sassy lawyer Charlotte Andreko is the perfect woman for the job. Charlotte has built her career defending pro bono clients against womanizers like Rex Renaud, and she'd much rather let him sweat it out in a jail cell than defend him in court. Yet Rex swears he's been set up, and when he offers her a shocking sum of money in exchange for her legal counsel, the financial security is too tempting to resist. The court dubs Rex a serious flight risk—how many people have their own jet?—and he's released on one condition: Charlotte's his new jailer, and he's stuck with her until his arraignment. But when a bomb threat sends Rex and Charlotte on the run, neither is prepared for the explosive chemistry and red-hot passion that flare between them as they hunt for the truth about his arrest. - See more at:


About the Author

Gwen Jones is a mentor and instructor in Western Connecticut State University’s Master in Creative and Professional Writing program, and an Assistant Professor of English at Mercer County College, in West Windsor, NJ. Her work has appeared in Writer’s Digest, The Kelsey Review, and The Connecticut River Review, and she is the author of the HarperCollins Avon FRENCH KISS series, Wanted: Wife, Kiss Me, Captain, and The Laws of Seduction. A writer of women’s fiction and romance, she lives with her husband, Frank, near Trenton, New Jersey.


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